


Nothing More

by Yusagi



Category: Fushigi Yuugi
Genre: Alternate Reality, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Canon Rewrite, F/M, For Want of a Nail, Peggy Sue, Post-Canon, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It, set right what once went wrong fic, time travel dilemma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-14
Updated: 2017-11-29
Packaged: 2018-02-08 20:22:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1954998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yusagi/pseuds/Yusagi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The world of the book is just a distant memory to Miaka, until she wakes up in her old uniform and on the day she first discovered her destiny as Priestess of Suzaku. A wish is her only way home, but six Suzaku Warrior have been erased from time, and there's no telling what else has changed or why. Can she change the world back, with the promise of destroying the new one to do it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_Ten years..._

Looking back, it was strange to think that it'd been ten years since that day. She didn't just feel older, she felt like a completely different person after summoning Suzaku than she'd been before she'd found the book in the reserved section of that library. Maybe she was, though. The summoning had combined her body with Suzaku in the same way that Seiryu had when Yui was swallowed up by the dragon god. Just because hers hadn't gotten as far didn't mean it wasn't still something...

Ah, and even if it wasn't literal, after ten years, if she were still the same, then she'd be the only one who was the same. The only thing. All of her old friends back in that world, the last she'd seen of them they'd moved on, most of them reincarnated and started new, happier lives than the ones they had before. Yui, too, she'd married Keisuke (which was _way_ out of left field. She'd really been sure her best friend was going to stick it with Tetsuya, given they were so cute together). Taka had even changed, he'd been reborn into a completely different world.

They were all the same people, but they'd all changed, hadn't they? The world had changed, too. That old library she'd found the Universe of the Four Gods in was gone now, they'd torn it down five years ago after a sudden fire. The cram school she'd gone to was gone, too, and Yotsubadai High had moved after they'd gotten a donation that allowed them to move to a bigger and better updated building.

Maybe she had changed, too. It wasn't so strange to think that...even if there was a part of her left that felt sad, almost as if she were giving up on her old friends, letting go of the memories of the ones who were gone, abandoning the friendships of the ones who were still alive in that other world but forever sealed away from her. That was silly, though. All of her friends who'd died, they were already back, living lives and not needing her memories or younger self to keep them there. The ones who hadn't...

The ones who were alive...they'd probably changed, too. Just like everyone else.

 _Maybe Tasuki got married_...!

Anyway. It was okay to reflect on it and dwell on a past that felt both only moments and lifetimes before. Today, at least, it was okay. Today was the anniversary of when she'd first opened the book, and that meant that reflecting was okay.

"If you're going to catch a cold, I like it better when you just try to fit your old uniform."

She startled out of her thoughts at the sound of her husband's voice, and turned toward him, flushing slightly despite herself. "You're _not_ being helpful."

He shrugged where he was leaning against the doorway to the house, arms crossed. "I would have gotten a blanket, but they were all too tangled to pull away from the bed."

"...A coat would have done well, too, you know." She huffed softly, glancing out over the city from where they stood on the hill. It had a nice vantage point, this house. Taka had never completely gotten over his frugal nature, but in some cases it was really a nice thing: he always found the best deals for their money, and he'd found such a nice little house in such a nice place for the same price they'd been paying while they lived next to Keisuke and Yui.

His hands settled over her shoulders as he stood behind her, looking over her shoulder at the lights of the city below. "Maybe I was distracted."

She sighed, and leaned her cheek against his hand. "It's nice to remember sometimes..."

"Mm..." He huffed softly. "Maybe not that time we all had to dress up like women."

She blinked, caught briefly off-guard having almost forgotten that, and then gave a snort of laughter and elbowed him in the gut. "You're the one who keeps reminding me of it!"

"Ow! You're making the memories hurt more!"

"Well, you deserve it!" She laughed despite her somber mood, regardless of her husbands feigned sounds of pain, and soon she found her reflections fading from her mind once more.

#-#-#-#

_"I only want one thing..."_

_"Tamahome!"_

_"No, what are you doing?!"_

_Don't..._

_be so nice to me..._

_"STOP!"_

_"I can't! Don't you understand, I can't!"_

_"No matter what..."_

_"Please...just..."_

_"I...love you!"_

_"You idiot..."_

_"Stop it!"_

_"I said-_

" _Stop_!" She startled awake with a shout, hair a terrible mess, falling across her shoulders and back, lungs burning, eyes bleary and head spinning. Had she fallen out of bed? She felt...disoriented. Dizzy. She smelled...

Straw?

Indistinct sounds she'd registered as a loud radio slowly filtered through her panicked and groggy mind as words. Speaking. There were far more people speaking at once, sometimes shouting, some of them laughing, to be the radio. And her bedroom...it was usually dark, not bright, not this colorful.

This was...

She blinked slowly, and turned her head to stare at the movement and activity around her.

_Outside..._

_This...isn't right..._

_"_ This..is..." A chicken ran by in front of her, passed by the cart she was riding on. A little child in familiar, out of place clothes chased after it shouting. The smell of straw came from the strands caught and tangled in her hair, and piled underneath where she sat.

The father of the child zoomed past with an alarmed cry.

"Hong...nan...?" Yet...how? The way back was sealed forever. They'd closed all the doors, prevented anyone from endangering themselves or others in this world again. This was...

She slowly, cautiously. slid out of the cart to the ground. No one should have had the magical ability to create an illusion like this in her world. Could be a dream? But...it didn't feel like one. And she...she looked down at herself after a moment, and startled herself.

The old uniform...her torn, faded, stained old uniform that barely held together and she barely squeezed herself into. It was pristine and perfect. Undamaged. _Like new_.

She ran. It couldn't be an illusion, not from her side. It wasn't a trick. This didn't feel like a dream. Whatever happened, magic must have been the source of this, and it had to be from _this_ side of the door. From the book...

Chichiri would have an answer. If it was magic, especially magic like this, he'd know what was happening, he'd probably have an idea who was doing it, and he'd be the only one who could figure out how to fix it. If someone went through this much trouble to drag her back and put her in the old uniform...nothing could be good about them. The uniform was too dangerous in this state, in this place. It was a window, maybe a door, between the two worlds, and if that was what they wanted...then only Chichiri could do something in time.

She didn't know for sure where he was, but Boushin would. She was sure that he'd know. Chichiri would want him to know, just in case he was needed to help people.

Spotting the emperor's palisade so close was such a relief (because she didn't know for sure how to get to the palace from where she was, just a general idea that would probably stop her from being lost for _too long_ ), that she didn't hesitate to charge up to it. Even ten years after the fact, or however many years it had been in the world of the book, she expected the Priestess of Suzaku to be at least somewhat recognizable, especially in the uniform she'd been forced back into.

She didn't think about any other specifics. She didn't allow herself to wonder if Boushin's heir had already taken his place, because that would mean that Chichiri might be even harder to find than she worried he might be should he be on some mission away from Hong Nan. Her speed, agility...and surprise, allowed her to duck past the mounted guards (they never were much of an obstacle for her) to reach the carriage without being delayed by time wasting questions. It was a bit of a jump from there, but she was able to get a foot up onto the carriage then, and reach in to grab Boushin's arm. She had to, after all. Just violating the space of the carriage carried a death sentence, so making her identity clear before overzealous guards got in the way was important.

Besides, there was no telling what sort of imminent danger they were all in, and she was...maybe a little frightened of that.

"Quick, we have to find _Chich..i...r..._ i..." She trailed off absently, not fully aware of whether she finished that word or not. It had taken a moment-father and son bore striking resemblance-but as she leaned in close to the openly shocked face of the current emperor, she realized it...wasn't Boushin.

It...was...

" _Ho-to...hori_?"


	2. Chapter 2

"Ho...to...hori?" She didn't even notice, and certainly didn't process, that she'd spoken. Not since she'd been caught off guard and _stopped_ saying what she'd been planning to say. As a result, she found she didn't have anything to say. Nothing. If she were thinking clearly, she'd be concerned about the dangers of what she'd just done and then _not talking_ , but she wasn't.

Because he wasn't the reincarnation she'd met, she was sure. She was staring at a ghost. A ghost with physical form that she could touch, who stared up at her as if she were the one who were a ghost or evil spirit, who she could feel the breath of stirring her hair. She didn't even have an idea of what to say that she couldn't form through her shock.

Everything was just...blank. Up until a hand suddenly caught at the back of her jacket and yanked her backward with a shout. " _Traitor_!"

_The guards..._

And there wasn't a Tamahome around to rescue her from their swift justice this time. Either because she'd never gone looking for him to draw him to this area this time, or because this was a distant future and Taka had already been reincarnated in another world. If she stayed quiet, she'd never live long enough to answer any of her questions

"It-it's _me_!" She still didn't really know what to say, so she was going on instinct. "Miaka! It's _Miaka_!" ...None of her words seemed to be deterring the guards at all, so maybe...whatever was happening, these guards just never knew her by name. "I- _I'm_ _the priestess of Suzaku_!" Admittedly, that was maybe not the strongest case she could have made, if they didn't know it was her already. "I come from another world!" And maybe the future, but the world thing was hard enough to explain already. And they were still wrestling with her to get her on her knees (so it was proper...?). They weren't even hesitating! "Y-Your nickname is Hotohori because you're a celestial warrior of Suzaku, you're Pisces, there's a symbol on your neck that glows-"

"Wait." Contrary to her shouts and those of the guards and crowds nearby, his word was spoken so quietly that it almost sounded serene. It was only one word, but the guard who'd raised his sword halted immediately.

Not without complaint. "But your Eminence-"

"Release her." Not a word of explanation was given to accompany that command, but there was no room in his voice for compromise. She'd rarely heard that steel in his words when he gave commands (he was usually very calm and reasonable for a ruler), but she still recognized it when she heard it. It would probably have been a little frightening if he'd ever used it on her.

The guard only hesitated a moment longer before he released her shoulders and backed away, mumbling in discontent. If he were about to voice anything further though, he never got the chance. Hotohori spoke again before he could, this time to her. Fortunately without the steel involved. "There _is_ space to sit here instead."

She glanced back at the guard briefly, wary. In ten years since the book, she'd forgotten just how many times she'd experienced close shaves with death. She took back any amount of missing and nostalgia she'd felt toward it.

She bit the inside of her cheek and made her way up to the side of the carriage again. Without momentum and purpose, it was actually somewhat more difficult to climb up in any kind of fluid manner. It didn't surprise her when a delicate, deceptively strong hand finally reached down to take hers and pull her safely up into the carriage.

As he said, there was a space next to him, either out of respect or to pressure him into getting an empress (because she was leaning toward time travel now), but it wasn't a very large space. If she wasn't already familiar with him she'd be fairly uncomfortable in it.

Actually she was still uncomfortable sitting next to him. Not just because he lacked all but the most basic of warmth toward her that she usually expected of him, but because ten years didn't make her any less human, but it did make some of the details of his physical appearance dim and blur in her memory.

He looked _really good_. He also smelled nice, which was a thing she'd forgotten completely. So...that didn't exactly make her comfortable sitting next to him, a (future) married woman next to a (so far) unmarried ruler. But she probably needed to focus on more immediately pressing matters. (She also forgot how his silk felt. With good reason: she'd be forever envious at home that her expensive silk was missing whatever it was that made his robes so smooth and soft.)

For a few moments, she was silent, taking in the sudden change of scenery and, more importantly, trying to figure out what to say to him. If he didn't even know who Chichiri was at this point (like it looked to be), then it would be harder to convince him to go and hunt that specific warrior down (and it wasn't easy, if he was still on Daichi-San mountain)...but she wasn't sure what else to do. Even if everything was confusing, whoever and whatever had done this was still nefarious.

He spoke before she could, tone curious once the carriage began to move again. "The man seated behind us believes you're a demon sent to deceive and perhaps even to plunge Hong Nan into chaos with trickery and murder."

She bit off an unkind thought about _that_ particular adviser. She'd gotten a glimpse of him while trying to seat herself properly, and she recognized him as one of the men who often gave her trouble. It wasn't much of a surprise he started early. "...But if you thought that, you wouldn't have invited me in here."

"The Imperial Throne carries with it the ability to change one's mind."

She glanced over at him, suddenly anxious. Was that cool humor, or an actual threat? Hotohori had never threatened her before, had he...? She couldn't read one or the other on his face, though. Ultimately, she just found it awkward again once he turned his head to quietly observe her in return.

She glanced away quickly, watching the people instead, on the vague hope she might spot Tamahome doing whatever he would have been doing if she hadn't interfered in his schedule. "...I told the truth. I-" She trusted Hotohori implicitly, but until she convinced him of her own identity, she couldn't presume he would trust her in the same way. She couldn't read any indication from his words or actions that he recognized her, so using the future aspect wasn't...going to work well. "I found a book. In my world. A book called 'The Universe of the Four Gods', and when I started to read it, a red light enveloped me and I woke up here."

As an after thought she added, "The first few pages mentioned...a few things." That was better than explaining her knowledge while maintaining her alternate world and definitely not time travel identity. "Like where to find you, and who you were."

He was silent for a few moments, before finally he nodded. "If you were drawn in by the magic of Tai Yi Jun's scroll, then she would ensure you knew exactly what you needed to know."

 _...That_ was sadly naive.

"I wouldn't be so sure..." She mumbled to herself.

"Hm?" A sleek eyebrow arched.

"...Nothing."

He seemed...unconvinced, but she thought, somewhere under the blank curiosity, there might have been amusement. Maybe that was her. Possibly that was hopeful thinking.

She glanced down at her hands. "So...you believe me?"

He hummed softly. "...No. But something inside tells me that I should believe you." This time she actually did catch his faintly playful smile. "Are you a demon intent on bewitching the emperor with your trickery?"

" _No!_ "

"Then many in the kingdom shall rest easy tonight." His smile warmed just slightly, before he turned his gaze to her once more, hands settled lightly on his knees as he spoke. She wasn't entirely comfortable with ignoring the muttering presence behind them, but...for all of his dodgy behavior he'd never made any move against Hotohori last time. Or her, somehow. "If you already know so much, then there is no reason to explain the duties of being Priestess, true?"

"Ah, no. I've got the whole speech already!" _From you_. She gave a tiny salute, which he appeared not to even attempt to grasp. "Actually...about that...I think that the first person we should find is Chichiri. And I think I know where he is."

He nodded thoughtfully, before gold-hazel eyes turned toward her and tightened slightly in thought. "...And this Chichiri...that's who you mentioned before? What does he have to do with summoning Suzaku?"

"...E... _ehh_?"


	3. Chapter 3

She probably looked a little crazy again. To be fair, that was his fault this time, because _he_ was the crazy one. If anyone should be doubting identities, she should doubt his. For many reasons, actually, but mostly because _he_ was the one who'd first told her about Chichiri. How could he _not know_?

Just what was going _on?_

She stared at him, wide-eyed, as he...continued to watch her, expectant. Other than that he clearly expected some sort of answer from her, though, his expression was inscrutable. It wasn't as if Hotohori couldn't tell a joke with a straight face, but usually she'd been able to tell when he was joking. And...it didn't seem like him to try to ask her a trick question. Really, it hadn't been hard at all to convince him who she was the first time (he'd done most of the convincing...)

Then again...

She'd done things out of order, and that meant that she never had the display of red light that convinced him she was the Priestess of Suzaku to start with, didn't she?

Okay, if that was the case, she'd just have to find other ways to prove it to him! (Since...she didn't actually know how to will herself back. Under the circumstances, anyway. If she did, maybe she'd be able to will herself back to the proper time as well and avoid looking for Chichiri at all.)

"Chichiri...is one of the seven celestial warriors of Suzaku? Along with you, Tamahome, Tasuki, Mitsukake, Chiriko, and Nuriko." His expression was still blank, but then she _was_ probably talking stuff that'd be common knowledge for anyone who knew the Priestess of Suzaku legends. "Um...we need to gather all seven of them together to summon Suzaku? And I...know where some of them are. So we can gather them together and summon Suzaku to protect the country quickly!"

But mostly, so she could get to Chichiri and figure out how to avoid reliving this whole...thing. A whole lot of people would suffer and die, including the person she was sitting next to. Even if it would be nice to see them all again, she...couldn't just watch them die again. She had to go home.

His expression was _painfully_ skeptical. "...Seven celestial warriors, you say."

What, exactly was that supposed to mean, and why did the carriage suddenly feel dangerously small? She edged slightly away from him, but...there really wasn't far to go without tumbling out of the carriage. "That's...what...the book said..."

A small blade that felt disturbingly large on skin pressed against her neck. After a moment of shock and fear (given the knife against her neck) she realized...it was the adviser behind her. Considering Hotohori's disappointed expression, however, she wasn't reassured that it was the paranoid person behind her instead of the trustworthy person next to her.

"Wh-what are you-?!"

"Suzaku warriors...you should have done further research before coming to Hong Nan." His voice was...mournful? Disappointed? His expression was certainly something like depressed, as he turned away from her to look at the crowd. "There are no seven warriors of Suzaku. If you were the priestess of Suzaku and spoke with Tai Yi Jin, she'd have told you that."

_No...seven warriors...?_

"N-No! You're _wrong_! I don't know how you think that but you're _wrong_!" She'd have shaken her head, but that was a bit difficult while someone gripped onto her annoyingly long hair and held a blade to her neck. So. Desperately talking it had to be. "There's _seven_! I'm telling you, there's _seven_! You have to believe me!"

"You should just cut your losses and stop before you offend His Majesty further." That would be that _irritating_ adviser. "Wherever Qu Dong got that information about His Majesty, they should have focused more on the legends of Suzaku than trying to get his Majesty's trust!"

Bad...bad...

_This is bad, I'm gonna die! Again, I just got over the last almost-death and this time I'm definitely gonna die!_

"H-Hotohori, please! You said you thought you should trust me, so trust me! You _know_ I'm who I say I am! You know it!"

His gaze turned back to her, but it was still just as mournful and displeased as before, as if somehow she'd done him some deep, personal hurt by getting his questions 'wrong'. Even though they weren't wrong! They were _right_ , and he had to know that!

"Don't listen to her, your majesty! She's merely a spy sent from Qu Dong meant to compromise our security and distract us from finding the true priestess!"

He frowned slightly in distaste, and reached up to the man's hand at her neck. "There's no need to hold her like that." For a moment, the man drew in a breath to protest, and Hotohori turned his gaze ahead again, tone firm. "She can go nowhere."

The adviser hesitated a few moments, reluctant to give a spy such free movement, but finally released her, vanishing into the backseat again. Reflexively, she doubled forward, choking as she sucked in deep breaths of air, and reached up to touch her neck to see if the blade really had cut her skin. In the corner of her vision, she saw his expression twitch in discomfort, as he kept his gaze firmly ahead.

She swallowed a few times, just to make sure she still could, and watched him as they rode, studying him for some sign of the warrior and friend she knew. He _had_ to be there. Deep down, no matter what was wrong with him, he _had_ to know who she was. She could see it.

She reached out to touch his arm again, and flinched slightly, involuntarily, when she heard the man behind her shift aggressively in his seat. Something in Hotohori's expression tightened. "Somewhere in there...you know. You can feel it, right? It's _me_...it's Miaka." She didn't know what was going on, now. Honestly, she couldn't figure it out at all...but if this was in any way the Hotohori she knew...somewhere inside whatever had control of him, or whatever fake construct he'd been created as, he had to know. That's what being a priestess and her warrior was about, right? A connection that could never break, that lasted forever, across time and everything else. It didn't have to be love the way it was between she and Taka to be _there_ , she knew that.

She _knew_ it.

"Please... _you know me_..."

He turned to look at her again, finally, expression softer and more confused than before, but before he could speak, hands reached up to grab her around the shoulders again. Apparently at some point he or the adviser had signaled the guards outside, and they'd just gotten close enough to grab her. She shrieked in surprise as she was yanked backward, and reached out toward him.

He looked conflicted and tormented enough to have been the prisoner, instead of her. She had difficulty feeling sympathy just then, though.

She was falling. The guard hadn't even bothered to pull her out normally, they'd just yanked her out and let her drop. She was about to crash to the ground, and no one was going to catch her.

_No...!_

She was about to die. Not from the impact, that would just...hurt. But when she hit the ground, they'd kill her for being a spy. She was going to die, and she couldn't even convince Hotohori to stop it this time. And no Tamahome around to save her...

_-Taka!_

Her scream cut off abruptly as she slammed into the dirt, and for a brief moment, she saw stars and Suzaku, smug, irritating Suzaku. After that, though, there were just swords. Everywhere. Instead of a proper execution, she was about to become a pincushion. She'd survived being almost devoured by a beast god, and she was about to die because of a paranoid adviser.

"N- _No!_ " She held up her hands as if she could ward off metal with skin, and brilliant crimson light shot out from them. And also everywhere else.

 _So...that's how it works_...

She didn't see Hotohori's face, and she didn't hear whatever he said, though. She was too busy falling unconscious from her fall and whatever that blast of energy drained from her to hear anything like that. It was too bad, because she thought vaguely that...maybe it might be satisfying to see that idiot adviser's face.

_#-#-#-#_

She felt far more comfortable when she woke up than when she went to sleep.

Once her vision cleared somewhat, she recognized the room around her. It was...definitely the room she'd been given upon first arriving in the palace. The one after the cell, anyway. It wasn't the one she'd been offered and then turned down when she became priestess, though. Which...was odd. She'd probably wonder more about that if she actually cared.

It was hard to care with a headache like hers.

She did manage to sit up, though, and...someone had taken off her jacket, bow, and bra. At least they'd left her with her shirt and skirt. Also, she didn't need to look far to find...someone she really hoped hadn't been the person to do it (it probably wasn't, there were lots of servants to do that kind of thing, after all...).

Hotohori. He sat on a chair near the foot of her bed. Rather, he slumped over on it, clearly asleep. Which...wasn't much of a surprise, the sleeping part, anyway. She could hear the nightlife chirping outside her door in that crystal clear way she'd completely forgotten it did until now. Whatever time it'd been when she woke up...it must have been late at night.

He'd stayed, even though it must have taken her Suzaku-display to convince him she was the priestess anyway?

She frowned suddenly, and shifted in bed, sweeping her legs off of the mattress to the floor. She'd never thought of Hotohori as fickle. Even though she knew he'd always idolized the priestess, and he'd admitted as much, she'd never really felt as if he cared about her for that more than herself...but if he'd just change his mind from having her killed to sitting at her bedside over whether she was the priestess, then...whoever this was, maybe he just wasn't the Hotohori she knew after all.

He was just some sort of cheap copy, then.

She shoved off of the bed to her feet, determined to find the clothes that had been taken from her and...just...go find Chichiri on her own, when Hotohori's smooth (groggy) voice cut through the stillness of the room. "...I am a rather terrible protector, it seems..."

She jumped a little at the voice, and spun toward him. He looked...somewhat more ashamed than she remembered seeing him before, although unlike the carriage kept a level gaze on her instead of some wall. "Undoubtedly, Suzaku is far from pleased."

 _Suzaku isn't the only one_! "I-"

"Nor you." She'd forgotten his talent for speaking over her when he chose to. "The chosen of Suzaku...should be able to sense each other. You were correct in that. I should have trusted what I knew, but when your beliefs coincided with Qu Dong's knowledge..." He trailed off then, frowning and finally lowered his head, looking to the ground, then. "Despite this...allow me to protect you on your mission, and I will give up my life to ensure your wishes are granted."

She'd had a thing or two to say...but the reminder of what would become of him, of the wife and the child he left behind, of being trapped a world away and forced to _read his death_...

She bit her lip to mask the rush of emotions that accompanied those memories, and looked away. "You're being irresponsible!"

He was silent, and she refused to look at him, but she didn't really need to, to know the look of confusion and surprise he probably had on his face. "W...what if you _did_ die, huh? Then who'd protect the country? Who would look after all the people that care about you? Did you think about that?"

For a moment, he was quiet, and she almost risked a glance over at him. Finally he did speak, though. "If the rest of my country will be endangered and collapse without the Priestess of Suzaku's wishes, then I wonder which is truly the selfish choice."

_Yours is!_

She wanted to yell it at him. She wanted to insist and argue with him that when he met his future wife, when he found out about the son he'd never get to know, he'd _understand_ what she was saying, he'd make the smart choice and just stay out of the way of the war so that his family and his beloved country would get to keep him...but there wasn't any point.

It hadn't happened yet, he wouldn't believe her. And it _had_ happened. She couldn't change that. She wasn't trying to. She was just...trying to go home.

Her hands, which had gripped into fists at some point she couldn't remember, finally relaxed, and she dropped her own gaze to the floor in defeat. _Maybe the selfish one isn't him..._

"If...that's so, then we need to get moving quickly! The faster that we go, the less danger everyone will be in." She felt awful. She felt...really...really awful. Whatever this was, it wouldn't exist soon, when she talked to Chichiri, she'd figure out how to set it right or dispel whatever this was, and it wouldn't exist at all.

She still felt like she was using him and Hong Nan.

"S...so we should...let's go find Chichiri, okay?"

He was quiet again, and then spoke in a firm, almost...concerned voice. "Miaka...there _is_ no Chichiri."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "...There is no Chichiri."

_"Miaka...there is no Chichiri."_

He looked at her as if she were the one who he should be concerned about, as if she'd said the thing that was so completely absurd it might as well have been 'Suzaku only answers wishes when he is really hammered'.

In fact, she was very sure he was the one who had said something roughly that absurd. She was just talking reason (...maybe reason wasn't the right word...) but him...

She stared blankly back at him for a few moments, analyzing his words, trying to parse out a meaning to them that would actually make sense. Nothing came to mind.

After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, he spoke just before she could make an attempt of her own. "There is only one celestial warrior of Suzaku. The guardian of the priestess of Suzaku is bestowed with all the might which is split amongst seven to other gods "

_Only one...?_

She opened her mouth to speak. Nothing came out, so she closed it, shook her head, and frowned. "So...then we can summon Suzaku immediately?" Her voice sounded...much more dubious than hopeful. She knew this world, something like that...that was too easy.

He offered a soft hint of a smile and shook his head slightly. "To summon Suzaku, we must first retrieve the holy scroll from the mountain of the gods. Once the priestess has possession of the scroll, then the ceremony may begin."

_That's... Still way too easy. But...finding Tai Yi Jun...if Chichiri really isn't here, that old lady or...wait. Whatever she really is. She's got to have answers!_

She clapped her fist into her hand. "Alright then! Let's pack up and go!"

He straightened in his chair and his graceful features lifted somewhat in surprise. Honestly, what kind of person could be so attractive wearing such a normal and mundane expression, anyway?

_Geez, come on Miaka. It's just how he usually looked! Get used to it again already!_

But then again, if things really were just something as simple as he suggested, then she shouldn't. After all, once she got back to where she belonged, he was...

"We do have to find the mountain first..."

"Oh, not to worry about that! I already know exactly where it is!" Mostly. "It's...er, a priestess thing."

His expression was an admirable blend of incredulity and approval. Well, at least part of him believed her. A part he seemed inclined to listen to, that was. Already an improvement over all of their previous conversations so far. Which one of them was making progress, though, she couldn't tell.

After a moment where he appeared to weigh his two reactions, he gave a slight nod. "However...perhaps it would be best to at least wait until the morning to prepare? It would be rather distressing to stir the castle at this hour for such a trip."

...The fact that he made such a good point annoyed her a little. She wanted to leave immediately and get answers immediately, but she couldn't really argue with the need for the servants of the castle to sleep. She wanted to blame Hotohori for needing people to do his preparations for him...but it wasn't like the emperor could sneak out of the country in the dead of night without telling anyone, either.

_Ugh, that just makes me more annoyed!_

She huffed in frustration, and then dropped back to the bed. In the corner of her vision, she saw Hotohori relax somewhat, now that it was evident she wouldn't press the issue of leaving immediately.

"...Wait, how do you even know what to do if you don't have the universe of the four gods scroll here to study it?"

His expression shifted again to something teaching. "Tai Yi Jun entrusted my ancestor with certain knowledge and the instruction to seek her out when the time came. The information was kept hidden to protect it from theft and imposters. As my counselors had believed you were."

_Imposters...? Who would pretend to be a priestess? What did that come from? Although...I guess I did pretend to be the Priestess of Seiryuu, but...that was different!_

"Okay then. I guess we should take time to get ready tonight so we can leave in the morning, right? You've probably got lots to pack!"

He made no indication that he was about to stand and leave. Instead, he simply watched her with a curious expression. "The name 'Chichiri', you've never said how you came to know of it."

She'd been expecting him to counter her suggestion somehow, and so his subject change caught her off guard. "Hm?"

"The name 'Chichiri' is a representative of a constellation created to confuse those who would mean to deceive this country. How did you come upon it, if Tai Yi Jun gave you information to prepare you?"

His tone was mild, curious, not at all hostile. She was still a little nervous. _Rightfully_ , considering how her day had gone every time Chichiri came up. "Like...I said, there were some things I read in the book before I arrived here. One of the things was...about...Chichiri." She wasn't...really much of a liar.

He frowned slightly. "If it was meant as a test of my worthiness to be your protector...then I suppose I failed…"

_That's putting it nicely_ …

But-it was also (probably) wrong. Dwelling on that wasn't important, as uncomfortable as it had been. If she dwelt on every single time she'd been in mortal danger last time she'd been here, she probably would have never left her room in the palace.

...And then probably hid under her bed eventually, considering that one time an assassin got into her room.

"Maybe it wasn't about that at all! After all, the only way we can get answers about Chichiri and...what we're supposed to do...is to go see Tai Yi Jun, right? I'm sure it was just meant to point us in the right direction from the start!"

He looked thoughtful for a moment. "Perhaps…"

"Okay then! Let's get ready to go!"

He offered a soft smile at that, as he straightened and smoothed his robes in one movement. "Rest, Miaka. The journey itself will likely be taxing, you will need to be fully recovered before we set out."

Really, she was already fully recovered-doing that _thing_ didn't usually take up much energy from her. But...if he was going to be stubborn about it, it was better not to give him an excuse to put off the journey just for her sake.

_After all...the faster that I can get to Daichi-san Mountain, the sooner I can fix whatever this is and go back home._

Part of her was curious about the strange differences about this world, and how one warrior could possibly have the combined abilities of all the other six (or what that meant for those), but...well, it didn't matter, right? She wasn't _really_ his priestess anymore. Maybe not technically at all, considering how...not-real this world was. She wasn't about to go through summoning Suzaku again, and so she didn't need to get close to any warriors again.

Or betray him any more than she'd already be doing when he found out why she really wanted to see Tai Yi Jun.

She shooed the tall man out of her room with insistent hand movements and huffs, and he left with a graceful smile (she was pretty sure it was _amused_ , more than anything else, but he'd probably deny it if she called him on it at this point).

Once he left, she turned back toward the familiar-unfamiliar room she'd woken up in, and sighed. "...Right."

It wasn't _really_ deceiving him. It was rescuing the things that were important to the real him and going home to the people that she'd suffered through so much to have the chance to be with in the first place.

There wasn't any reason to feel guilty at all.

She flopped back against the bed and stared up at the amazingly intricate designs woven on the canvas over her bed. It wasn't reasonable at all to feel guilty or bad about what she was doing, especially after she'd almost been _killed_ already...but she did anyway.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was, essentially, The Worst Person. Therefore, she didn't get sleep, because people who were horrible weren't allowed to sleep. She wasn't sure when she learned this law of the universe, but she knew it was true

She was, essentially, The Worst Person. Therefore, she didn't get sleep, because people who were horrible weren't allowed to sleep. She wasn't sure when she learned this law of the universe, but she knew it was true. Which was why she'd just laid in bed and not slept for ages.

Eventually she gave up the idea of sleep. Her own curiosity won out.

That was a really nice and not-stupid way of explaining why she stood in the middle of the hallway in the Inner Seraglio's dormitory. It sure was great that Nuriko had taken her here a few times, because there was no way in whatever hell Suzaku _had_ that she'd have gotten a guard to take her there tonight with the record she currently had.

And 'one of your rejected concubines is a holy warrior you don't believe in' wouldn't really help her with convincing Hotohori to go on a long trip into the wilderness with no map except the one in her head.

Everything about the palace was elegant.

She'd forgotten how beautiful the palace was. This place - her time here - was so overshadowed by everything else that happened, her memories of everything except certain places were blurry and vague. Even having gone here a few times she'd gotten lost for a bit on her journey to this place.

But...really...

Even in the middle of the night, with a room full of women who pretended they didn't snore in the daylight, with almost everyone in the palace sleeping somewhere and almost no light to see anything except distant lanterns and a crisp moon outside, everything was...so elegant. Decorated to the finest details, and yet not chaotic or overly cluttered. The hints of the red naturally present in the wood and the lacquer and gold were almost visible in the washed out light, and it must have looked magnificent beyond anything she saw back home.

She'd really missed out on so many details last time. For good reason, obviously, but...still. Even if she knew she was living in another world right now, this place...it felt even more like it was another world, like it existed in a bubble of magnificence and beauty so complete that the people and even the floors put her to shame even when she'd grown up.

She shook her head slightly, and peeked into the room. It'd been a while, but she had a pretty good memory when she wanted to. And she'd kind of narrowed it down checking half a dozen other rooms previously. Finally though...she could see the person she was looking for. The delicate features even asleep, without makeup, and in the moonlight...

For a moment or two, they took her breath away.

In the past, when Nuriko had faked being a woman, her relationship with the warrior had been...strained. Even when she tried to appreciate some of the (wo)man's features, they were ruined by the rivalry and her own jealousy. When she'd returned months later, the man had stopped trying as hard to look like a woman, and she'd just seen him as a sort-of man from then on.

He really was beautiful. A different kind of beautiful than Hotohori, but not less beautiful. Maybe even more?

It's been so long that she can't remember the face of Hotohori's eventual wife as well anymore, fuzzed around the edges and gaps filled with guesses and assumptions. This, though...she remembered enough to know this face was like it close enough to be mistaken in passing. The woman who he'd one day find happiness and a family with.

The woman that one day would find out he'd...

She closed her eyes a moment and waved those thoughts away. It'd already happened. She couldn't change it. It was painful and horrible and tragic, but...but there wasn't anything she could do anymore. What could she do? Meddling in things now wouldn't fix anything. This time line...

Well she...this wasn't even real. She couldn't be guilty about it. Once she broke this spell or curse or whatever it was, it'd stop existing, like some kind of nostalgic dream that felt too real but never really existed in the first place. So...he wouldn't die in the future. Because he'd already died. In the real world, in the real version of _this_ world, both he _and_ the one sleeping peacefully in front of her would...were...

She bit her lip and crept into the room, scrubbing at an irritation in her eye, before kneeling cautiously out of range of any super punches.

"Hey...Hey. Nuriko. Wake up! Hey!"

The wo-the man in the bed shifted and groaned. Amazing. When he was pretending, he could even sound feminine when half awake. He really was a wonder. It wouldn't be the same, but...well...maybe it would be a little nice to get to talk to him and be around him for a bit before she left. Right?

It sure was a close call nearly stopping him from screaming the moment he saw her.

So...okay. She didn't fully think this through. She was still struggling with the idea that all of this was familiar and everyone _should_ know her, because she'd known them for a decade. But at least she also wasn't dead from pouncing someone who could knock her clear out of the city from here. With one hand.

Maybe that meant he remembered her somewhere? Deep, deep down beneath the terror and confusion in his eyes right now?

"H...hey, it's okay. I'm not here to hurt you. I'm Miaka. The, uh...The Priestess of Suzaku? I mean, I haven't been announced yet, but I am!" Heh. Okay, even to her that wasn't very convincing.

"Just...please don't scream or kill me or anything, okay? I've got a really good reason to be here, and if you want you can go right back to sleep. I just want to talk. Okay?"

The wide eyed man nodded slowly. And didn't move to kill her. Maybe to keep his identity secret, given how...weird...whatever it was. Whatever was going on. It was just weirder since she'd found him. He was definitely here, and if he definitely existed, then...maybe what happened was that somehow Hotohori (and the palace itself) ended up with wrong information.

Or something. She didn't know. Grasping at straws to find some kind of semblance of sense was all she'd had since she'd woken up in a pile of straw.

She settled back on her heels then and gave a hopeful smile. The man wasn't doing anything for real, so. He must trust her at least a little. If...only because he didn't want to spoil his chances to marry the Emperor. Probably that. Whatever. She knew he was a really good person inside, so that's what mattered.

"Okay...I know this is going to sound crazy, but...uh. You're Nuriko. I know this because...um. Like I said. Priestess!" It really would be a lot easier to just explain she came from the future, but she was on pretty thin ice of believability as it was. Even if she'd proven she was the Priestess, she didn't fancy the idea of then deciding she'd totally lost it and just...locking her up in the palace until they summoned Suzaku or something. And even when Hotohori was normal, she wouldn't have put that past him if he thought it'd protect her.

"What...?" The wo...the man, wow, she really _had_ forgotten how feminine he was when he wanted to be, squinted at her in what was probably totally justifiable bewilderment.

She rubbed at her cheek. "You...ah...do you have any symbols that glow on your body when you do weird things? Like fight or...say...lift big boulders?" She gestured at her own chest. "It'd be about here. It's 'Willow'. You know what I'm talking about, right?"

His expression turned from confusion to annoyance, and he shook his head. "No, I don't. I must sleep, please, if this is all you want-"

Ugh, how in the world was she going to do this?! Forcing him to express his abilities was one way, but...considering about how well that plan went last time around, there was no way she could risk it when Tamahome was...

When Taka was...somewhere. Back where she belonged, and his past self was _anywhere_. Not here, at least. She kept bumbling around, but she needed to be more careful. This time, however long it took to get back to Tai Yi Jin and go home, she didn't have him there looking over her shoulder, giving her blankets, saving her life every time she did something stupid...

She spoke up before she could think anymore, right over Nuriko's words. "I know your secret!"

"...What?"

Okay. Probably not her best plan. But... _dammit_ , she just wanted...to break through with _someone_. If she could prove herself to Nuriko, then at least she'd have him. He'd be less weird, he'd support her decisions, and she could feel less like she was just manipulating everyone she should have been caring about.

"Your secret. I don't just mean the power, I mean..." She edged a little closer, speaking quietly and quickly. She couldn't just say 'I know about the junk in your robes' if she wanted to not get kicked out, so... "About your sister. About Kang-Lin. I...it's complicated, but I know. What happened, how you...wanted to become her to keep her with you? When...when you were ten, she died in an accident and you couldn't let go. You chose to become her, pretend to be a woman so that you wouldn't ever lose her, because you'd be her. I know that. There's only one way I could know that and it's if you told me, right?! Because you're not her, you're...you're actually-" Uh. What was it?! She'd asked once but... "L...Liu...um...uh...not Kang-Lin. That was your sister, right?"

He stared at her for a long moment, eyes wide, incredulous, perhaps even shining a bit in tears from the...unfortunate memories she'd just dug up. Those were all pretty reasonable responses. Knowing Nuriko, actually, she was surprised the response wasn't even more pronou-

She didn't lose her head, but the slap to her face _really stung_.

"Wah?!"

"What kind of...what sort of terrible person are you?!" Ah. Well. She probably deserved that. Even if it was necessary, it was pretty harsh to do as an introduction. "I...I don't understand why you'd break into my room and make up terrible _lies_. Especially about...about my brother." He sniffled, tears forming in his eyes, and the hand that struck her so quickly cupped over her mouth. "Telling such lies...lies that would...would have been..."

"Hu...huh...?" She rubbed at her cheek and frowned over at the maybe-warrior. What...was he even saying? Didn't she get it all right? Why would he keep lying when she obviously knew the truth? "But you...I-I'm sure. You don't have to lie to me, I promise I won't tell anyone else, but I _need_ you to believe-!"

The feminine man turned an icy gaze to her, settling his hand back to the bed. "If you...truly think that's how it was, you're wrong. My brother...Liu-Chuan...in my village there was a flood. Many of the people there died. At the time I was still very young. My brother and I were very close, and he would always look after me. When the flood happened, I was unable to climb to safety with the others in my family, because I..." He? She? Shook their head suddenly. "My brother turned back for me and lifted me to the roof, pulled me out of the flood waters before I drowned. Because of that..." Her eyes dropped then, voice quiet. "Liu-Chuan died when I was seven. Whatever story you've somehow come across, it's a horrible...unfair rumor. Please don't ever repeat it again. The idea that he could be alive instead is...much too painful. If you really are the Priestess of Suzaku then, instead..."

The woman suddenly reached out and seized her wrist, eyes shining in desperation. "If you're really, somehow, the Priestess of Suzaku like you claim to be, with one of your wishes, please! Wish that what you said were really true. Let me change places with Liu-Chuan after all, and let him live instead. I wouldn't ask anything more than that."

This...

The woman in front of her...

She really _could_ be Nuriko's twin.

The woman who stared at her with all the hope and desperation and vulnerability that she _knew_. The same feelings she'd felt, when she'd wanted Mitsukake to save Nuriko. The same thing she'd felt when she'd seen her friend swallowed up by Seiryuu saving her and she desperately _needed_ Suzaku to bring back her friend no matter what, even if it devoured her in the process.

The woman who put her hope in her.

The woman she was just about to betray as well.

She couldn't take staring at the woman a moment longer. Rather than looking or answering or giving any false promises...she simply ran away.

_I'm so, so sorry_.

_Nuriko_...

Why? Why in the world was this happening?!


End file.
